Come Sit With Me a While
If you have landed on this page, you must have a curious mind like I do. I bet you want to know that there are others out there like you. Are others trying to make it through one day at a time? Are you ever curious about how other loved ones of addicts live their lives.
I am here to offer you a firsthand look inside my world as the wife of an addict. It does not matter where he is at with his addiction and recovery, I will always be the wife of an addict. That is a choice I made because I know my husband is more than his addiction.
I know him as the kind and gentle man he is. I know him as my weirdo, my person. He's the man who knows how I like my coffee and makes sure I have clean pajamas on my side of the bed when I come home from work. I don't see just the disease and disorder of addiction and substance use disorder. I see him as the man he is. A man with the diagnoses of Addiction and Substance Use Disorder.
Please know you are not alone. If you are in crisis or having harmful thoughts, contact your family and doctor immediately, or call 988 anytime.
Psalm 34:18 – "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
I've always said no one says to themselves, "when I grow up I want to be an addict/alcoholic." Honestly, who would? Us loved ones of addicts may or may not have choose to be the loved one of an addict. Some of us are parents, children, friends, and coworkers. Others like myself made the choice to stay with our addicted loved ones. My addict is my husband. We have been together for nine years and married two.
I knew what addiction was in a way. Growing up I knew I had aunts and uncles who had problems with drugs and alcohol. I did not have an intimate relationship with addiction. My family did a very good job keeping my brother and I protected from it. There was a lot of stigma. Addiction was seen as a choice and not a medical condition.
When I met my husband I did not know that he had a history of addiction. He hid that from me, and hid that he was on Suboxone for his Opiate addiction. My husband kept it a secret from me until his first relapse. He did come clean with me about the opiates and suboxone. Was I happy about it? Absolutely not. At the time I felt like my choice to enter into the relationship was done under false pretenses. By that time I was already head over heels in love with him. He made me happy. I felt more love and joy than I have in my entire life. He never complained about the things I wanted to do. He has and always has been along for the ride (when he is sober.) I knew everything about what he had been through including spending eighteen months in jail for being at the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person. The state we live in has guilty by association even if you didn't do the crime, unless you have the money to pay for a high dollar attorney. I accepted everything because I love him for who he is not who he was.
However, he left out that he had other addictions outside the opiates which he was and still is in a maintenance program for. He was using those drugs off and on but after we became serious my husband tried to get clean and sober. Unfortunately trying to white knuckle it without a program is not a recipe for success. It is just setting the addict up for failure. But only the addict can make choices about their treatment and recovery. That is going to be a common theme here. We cannot make decisions for our loved ones. We can only control our own. For myself I've found that to be liberating.
The first time I noticed my husband was on drugs we were living together with a roommate. He has these tells both in behavior and physiologically which I have become well acquainted with over the years. I didn't like how he was acting and talking so I finally said something and he broke down. And that ladies and gentlemen that is how my journey navigating life with an addicted love one. It has been a long and bumpy road and the journey is still not over.
So pull up a comfy spot, grab your favorite hot beverage, and sit a while as I tell you my stories.
Prologue
